February 22nd

5:27 am Scribbling Epiphany

[2/22, 5:27 AM] : Have you ever felt so fucked up, that all you wished in life was to be dead, get vanished all of a sudden or just escape this reality?


[2/22, 5:40 AM] : This world is a trapped place,
It’s not beautiful,
It doesn’t mean anything,
It’s nothing,
It’s like a facade created by us,
Yes us.
We shitty people/humans,
Create a meaning,
We mend our emotions to places,
People,
Work,
And god damn it,
Even in god.
We just want to get fucked up,
We need to feel pain and misery and death,
We don’t mean anything,
Like we don’t need love and care,
This both words are like a mirage,
Okay..
They’re something like a end point,
Enlightenment you can say.
I mean how selfish and how bad can we be,
That we dare allow a shitty person like us in a world like this?
I mean who does that?
To someone they’ll give their all life,
They’ll die for,
What the fucked up human does that.
I mean what?
Don’t you have something of your own?
You own means you,
And your dumbass ideas,
Of a better world.
Focus on it.
Stop with this all deceiving.
Stop to bring words like,
Love,
Faith,
Happiness,
Believe,
These all words are just pain,
They’re brutal.
This all are death of us.
Fuck what you think,
Fuck what people think,
Fuck yourself god damn it.
I mean I’m done with you all,
All of you,
I hate,
I hate the fact I do so much for you,
And in the end I die alone,
Alone in this rotten meaningless world.
Loving the people who don’t love me,
Caring for people who are selfish,
You all are just a empty long stupid biology of this god,
What is god?
Is he even there?
What if you’re listening just kill me god damn it.
I don’t want to stay alive here.
This world,
This place,
This people,
This all sucks,
It’s all a lie,
I can’t keep up with their emotions,
All they want is to be loved,
To be faked,
I can’t do it anymore,
I’m done being good and bad,
Now I wish to be is nothing.
Like nothing at all.
I wish to be dead,
To be taken away from all this morons,
Who just need something FROM me,
They need to feel loved and cared.
I don’t fucking care.
I don’t.
I don’t want them to even touch me.
This all are sadist,
They feed on emotions and body,
Just that.
And now this fucking money is in the picture too.
What the fuck.
Just kill me please,
Kill me
Kill me
Kill me
I wish to die,
I say, Amen.
I need you to kill me.
I need to be dead.
I don’t want to stay alive here anymore.
I hate this world,
Everything in it.
I WANT MYSELF TO BE DEAD,
KILL ME, PLEASE.


[2/22, 5:44 AM] : All we try is to not be a bad person okay? Yes you idiots it is what we try. We fake ourselves in the eyes of others. All we care is about ourselves.


[2/22, 5:45 AM] : If you show your true self, people will kill you, yes definitely they’ll kill you.


[2/22, 5:45 AM] : I don’t want all this emotions and this craving of lust.


[2/22, 5:45 AM] : I wish to be empty and I don’t need any emotions.


[2/22, 5:46 AM] : Plus in past day’s I’ve spoken so much that I’m drained out, I’m drained out of words.


[2/22, 5:46 AM] : This humans are fuckers at the end I’m Telling you
[2/22, 5:46 AM] : They want, no all they want is sex and money and a body not a soul
[2/22, 5:47 AM] : Trust me I’m telling the truth
[2/22, 5:50 AM] : Anyone who knows much are dead. They’ll die. Because if they know this world. Like the functioning of it. All they’ll need is to be dead.
[2/22, 5:52 AM] : I think I’m like all the humans here, no like seriously. I’m everyone. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I’m everyone. I try to find myself. But I think what I really am is a bad human. Because I just hide and don’t show my true colors. I just don’t feel. I just start hating humans all of a sudden. I do.

I’m everyone and I’m no one yes
And I wish to stay dead.
No like kill me.
My head is aching and spinning.
[2/22, 5:53 AM] : Don’t bother showing me what you have.
I don’t need your money and emotions and you fakness
[2/22, 5:55 AM]: You humans are mad people. The one that seems sanest the most is the maddest of all. Hell yeah cause he’s a fool. To do thing’s like this world wants.

What the hell do you think of yourself? That you just create your own philosophy in this world. Why should we care what you think?
[2/22, 6:02 AM]: POWER. LOVE. INDEPENDENCE
[2/22, 6:13 AM]: Everything in this world means nothing

June 2020

Even with all the wrong fallacious interpretation,
Life is and always will a questionable sorrow.
With the day’s passing by,
It shall and will only give estrangement;
Nothing but hollow.
Even when the truth is sang,
The rampage will follow.
Life is and always will be a questionable sorrow.

June 2020

Who are you when in the eyes of this world?
Smile, you smile,
Like there is no underpinning,
And no credence left to stay right in your heart.
The believing is like dying every second,
In your mind;
It doesn’t reward you,
But just harm.
You have made an anchor,
A shield,
A wall of so called love,
And you don’t know it all,
But oh you girl,
Don’t you weep,
For the fool you’ve always been,
The fool you’ve become now.
Check for the heart now,
Does it beats anymore,
Even in the eyes of your love and every other emotions not real.
But then again you’re a vile human creature,
Just left here to laugh upon,
Do you recall what you’ve learnt,
What you’ve lost for.
Your heart is alone,
You’re alone,
You’re a crippled pseudo,
Just waiting for your life to pass on,
Waiting to create a facade of smile,
Again,
There you go,
There you go weeping in your shadow,
Hiding in the eyes of everyone,
And your own.

June 2020

And everyday I try,
I try to wake up,
And try to stop thinking,
About anything;
Emotions,
Attachment,
Abandonment,
Sacrifice,
Specially about this life.
I try to watch something;
Something less banal,
That can help my mind to stop feeling,
But,
Then again here I’m,
Working on my issues,
Running and escaping from them,
All the good memories and remorse now makes me sick.
I feel like dying;
Or I wish to just stop thinking and feeling this chemical reactions that my mind has control over;
To just stop for once,
And believe in this reality;
Because I know,
This all side kicks and emotions and desires are nothing but a mirage,
A delusion,
To make me go all crazy.
Yet again and again I fall,
I try to climb,
Try
And try,
Every day I wake,
I try,
Every night,
I sleep thinking,
It’s just a stupid world to live in,
Just live; just for awhile.

💜

Watching you here in my heart,
even when not loved and cared by you,
listening to your words,
some day’s,
and after long months,
I’m happy there,
in that moment,
watching you here in this world,
i always think;
how can I be sad?
when you’re still here.
there to make me alive,
and smile.

July

My body feels like a lifeless human, Straying in this world, To feel something, And nothing at all. With the emotions not answered and available to be there, And settling up there; For a mirage, Life is really a hell, Made of eyes that says so much, And so much not all. It’s like you need to protect yourself, From yourself, And from everyone face, And skins you wonder around, With words just like words in this world; What if, It’s nothing, But just a delusion or a dream that needs to be dreamt like, Afterall, We really move on the next sunrise, There’s no past, present, future; For long. But just a wish of death and happiness, It’s it? Like life is supposed to be lived and move on like a passing oxygen wind.

12:05 pm // Wednesday

Questionable Girl.

With a name,
Of her own,
Surname comes like a cancer in that throat,
But for long long time,
She lies here happy like in a golden times.

Loved and loved,
Like a flower which can’t be plucked,
Nurtured like a girl child,
She is now nine years,
And now she writes.

Fighting for her name in this crowd,
Pushing her limits,
Like they’ll be reached in that hollow clouds,
Without best looks, mind and body,
She always rise like phoenix but always half dead.

Now she’s 16,
A girl with her blooms to be seen like lady,
Now she likes alot, alot of them,
Like it’s nothing in her hold,
But still her heart is always lone in the end.

She has skins around her with faces like a havoc,
She feels pain and suffering and happiness all at once,
She’s trying to keep up with this world,
She has forget herself now, a child she was not now.

Words and number, books and success,
At this age she’s trying to be a good daughter,
But she always gets failed; but oh blamed.
Her heart is very fragile,
She falls now for every soul like it’s what called love in this ride.

Now she’s a women,
Binded with the first guy her guardian saw,
And she’s a no-one,
All knowledge now, feel like waste of time,
She’s trying to pick her self for the penny they didn’t give on her life.

Used as an honour and right of others,
She’s now numb and more asleep.
Life is passing by with words,
That doesn’t mean anything,
Again and again with same glitch she’s in stimulation like a half human, half without any freedom to live.

Passing by the strangers,
Falling in love just once but he has always been a stranger,
Fighting for answers; unknown,
She feels to die more now and then,
But not life once for them all.

She’s waiting now,
Working on her life and flaws,
Asking life and it’s prize to be alive;
Emotions doesn’t count now,
She’s more like a societal toy noun.

Day by day,
World falls apart, now nothing means nothing,
As it always was a illusion she casted for her rotten mind and heart.
Now that they ask,
She’s silent and roaring inside her mind not believing in what they said,
She’s trying to die every single time she takes her breath.

7:51 pm // Monday

Wilderness

Little souls, heavy grave;
Chaos so much to hold,
And only cold, loneliness and death,
That always prevailed.

This was our world; our humans,
That made us all failure.
A history of disaster,
And world that never got their justice heard and respected.

So we pray,
Pray for the evil soul in our minds,
What if you fight it,
And what if you bring only peace,
World can be different and be named.

If you bring your ideas close together,
There shall either be;
Warth of chaos,
Or tranquility of happiness in this world.

If you bring your skin,
In the adversity of other’s,
Sooner there shall nor be humanity,
There shall always be ache in the heart of future faces and skins.

If you bring your heart together,
Touch where it hurts still,
Just like they all felt,
You can’t measure what brutality and nefarious;
Their world full of sorrows felt.

If you let hold,
Of the human mind,
History will be remembered and learnt;
And future shall be deemed to feel free and of justice done.

Ahold your mind and your ideas,
Don’t let the left world shallow,
Let this world be known for;
Humanity and peace.

8:15 pm // Wednesday.

#WorldWar2
#Concentrationcamp
#holocaust

"We never know where we'll find some hope in the death of us, I guess it's all a part of plan; Just live and love, cause the clock never ticks backward."